The Fortuna Papers
by Doctor Madwoman
Summary: Welcome to Fortuna, a mystical City where Fate runs wild and tramples the unwary. Join Maleficent and company as they fight for their rights and try to make it through the week in one piece.
1. The Meet Cute From Hell

The Meet Cute From Hell

There was something marvelous about libraries. Maleficent felt that books were humankind's one saving grace, and vast semi-organized collections of books were better still. Perhaps it was the seductive allure of so much knowledge in one place, or maybe it was the fact that the rows and rows of silent bookshelves reminded her a little of her various homes in the forest, giving her a security she'd still not yet managed to build after living in Fortuna for two years.

Whatever the reason, Maleficent spent her days tucked away in the reference section of the Fortuna Public Library, commandeering an armchair and two to three small tables for herself as she hunted fact and theory. It was peaceful, for few people had the gall to stop and stare at the stately green woman as she thumbed through the musty tomes. The Library was the one place where she couldn't be treated like a second class citizen.

If she was diligent and kept her head steady on her shoulders, Maleficent was confident she could use the information offered by the Library to make sure none of her kind were considered second class ever again.

Eventually; today the shelves had not yielded the ancient census records she'd been looking for, and all the books mentioning the mythical city of Midian were at best sparing in their lore. Her luck had been very poor in both cases this past week, and the Queen of the Disbanded Unseelie Courts was starting to feel a little discouraged.

Just a little, mind you.

Presently Maleficent was ensconced in her customary chair, her long legs tucked under her and a record of the full history of Ireland propped up in her lap. By way of stress relief, Maleficent had spent the last hour and a half amusedly reading through the human accounts of the great events of that beloved land and meticulously correcting every misconception in red ink. Normally she found it almost physically painful to mark the pages of books in ink, especially an old beauty like this one, but in this case she could make an exception. She had been present at the Easter Uprising of 1916, and could recall events going a little differently, thank-you-very-much.

Vaguely the Unseelie woman became aware of a sharp pain in her neck and knees, and with relief she hefted the history off her lap and stretched like a cat, blood rushing back to her toes as she stood. It was almost disgusting, how little she'd accomplished. She was attempting to build a case for her new organization, and she wouldn't have a leg to stand on if she didn't have documented proof of longstanding and sustained discrimination against persons of dark alignment.

Of course, with those fools reigning high in the Council of Heroes, it was very likely she wouldn't have a leg to stand on anyway.

She sighed, massaged her temples. Her mind was scattered, a disconcerting feeling, and she resolved to collect herself and soldier on. Maleficent was a warrior and a magician by birth and upbringing, and her mind was at its most efficient when there were clear objectives to be obtained. A plan, a strategy, some sort of direction…

"The wisdom of Sun-tzu is in order, I think." She muttered to herself, and the Fae set off towards the S section. She wasn't particularly religious, not even when it came to Mother Danu, but if pressed Maleficent would likely admit that _The Art of War_ was her equivalent to a holy text. On the battlefield and off, she found it to be an extremely useful book.

She found the appropriate shelf and scanned the titles, her elegant hand hovering in anticipation. She could hear shuffling on the other side of the row and paid it no mind; the less time spent making inane small talk with her fellow visitors, the happier she would be.

"Ah!"

At last she spied the crimson spine of Sun-tzu's masterpiece, and with her spirits already lifting Maleficent reached out to tip the book down.

Or tried to. She met with resistance, as though something- or someone- were holding the book back. From the opposite side of the row she heard a growl of frustration from the other browser.

Maleficent scowled. The nerve of some plebeians.

There was an eye-level gap in the books not far from the silent battle, and with her fingers still clamped around _The Art of War_ Maleficent leaned over to peer through to the other side, preparing to lay into the interloper-

And found herself staring into eyes so dark and deep that it was like drowning, and suddenly it seemed to her as though all the air had been taken from the room. Maleficent felt that she recognized something familiar in this other, and that she in turn was recognized.

Unthinking, every inch of skin tingling, she released her grip on the book just as the other released theirs and together they darted to the end of the row. They met before a potted plant, man and woman, human and Fae, and they both knew in their bones that this was possibly the most important meeting of their lives.

The Unseelie Queen took in her companion and found herself pleased by his physical appearance; dark skinned and dark eyed, bearded and tall, a few inches taller than her, but no muscle bound idiot prince. He possessed an air of keen, cultured intelligence as well as barely concealed disdain for most other life forms. He was proud, he was cunning, and he evidently was as much a scholar as she.

Vaguely, the Faery wondered what he saw when he looked at her.

Maleficent stared at the man and he stared back, seemingly awestruck by her. She thought it would be prudent to speak, but found that her word-horde stood empty.

"Hello." Her fellow scholar said, never once taking his eyes from hers. His voice was low and smooth, and the very sound of it sent a delighted shiver down Maleficent's back. In that moment the Unseelie Queen became painfully aware of how shabby and approachable she looked, and her hand unconsciously jumped to the back of her head where her hair was knotted and skewered carelessly with pencils.

Din and damnation.

"Hello." She replied at last, sounding calmer than she actually felt. "We seem to have the same quarry, don't we?" She gestured back to where _The Art of War_ jutted from its place, her interest in it suddenly lost. The stranger didn't even glance at the book.

"Yes, it seems we do." He murmured. They contented themselves with just looking at one another for a moment more, still trying to set their minds in order. Eventually, the man cleared his throat and bowed low at the waist to her.

"Forgive me my rudeness, my lady. I am Jafar Rahal, formerly the Grand Vizier of Agrabah, now but a humble magical engineer. Who might you be?"

"Greetings, Master Rahal. I am Maleficent MacMorrigan, High Queen of the currently scattered Unseelie Courts, though at this point in time I am something of a political activist."

"I had thought you were some sort of royal; there's something in your bearing. It is an honor to meet you, Majesty." Jafar intoned, and Maleficent smiled in approval.

"Would you care to sit with me? I am very interested in getting to know you, and I do not think I'm wrong in thinking the feeling is mutual."

Without hesitation he fell into step beside her, and the two quietly exchanged more information about one another as they wove through the shelves. Jafar knew he should perhaps pay closer attention to where he was walking –he'd already nearly knocked some hapless student off a ladder to their doom- but found he couldn't look away from Maleficent. He wondered if all people felt this way around a powerful member of the Fair Folk (how aptly named they were!), but knew that wasn't the case. Many Fae were beautiful like Maleficent, and some may have even come close to matching her in power…but they were not her.

This strange draw he felt had everything to do with Maleficent's wolfish smile and her regal voice and how she gestured with those beautiful hands as she spoke. It had everything to do with her eyes, and what he saw in them.

They settled themselves in Maleficent's secluded corner, not noticing that other library patrons were casting them wary looks and giving the area a wide berth. They were in a world that contained only them and the words they shared. Together they spoke of their previous lives, what had compelled them to come to the City, what it was to be a villain in a land ruled by the Heroic. Maleficent was delighted to learn that Jafar was fairly proficient with magic and privately resolved to help him reach his full might in the coming days.

He made her feel strange, though she didn't find these new emotions unpleasant. His presence set her on edge, breathless and alert and happier than she'd been in many decades. His voice thrilled her, and for once it was a pleasure to listen to a human talk. She mentioned her work on behalf of their fellow villains, and he _understood_. He understood _everything_.

And also he had very nice hands. Large, but with long tapering fingers. Somehow this made her ridiculously happy.

The sun had sunk below the horizon and the moon ascended to Her heavenly throne before the two former villains lapsed into a comfortable silence, happy to watch each other in the silvery light flooding in from the windows.

Jafar, in any other situation, would have felt stupid of just _staring _like some slack-jawed idiot, but felt it was justified here. By Allah, she was beautiful…

"I was wondering, Majesty, if you would grant me the honor of taking you to dinner some time."

The technomage clamped his jaw shut and patiently waited for her to electrocute him. Maleficent arched one black brow high and smirked.

"A bold request to make of a woman you've just met. Impertinent, even."

"I mean no disrespect, of course, but I see no reason why we should waste time; I intend to court you." Jafar stated plainly. He had all the appearances of a calm, collected man, but Maleficent could hear his heart hammering wildly in his chest. She very nearly purred.

"Courtship? My, my, going a bit fast, aren't we? From what I've come to understand of mortal society, shouldn't we be _friends_ before we start courting?" she drawled. The Arabian sorcerer made an impatient gesture, his brow furrowed.

"As I said before, I see no reason why we should waste time on foolish social mores; I am not yet sure exactly what it is that I want from you, but I know that mere friendship would never satisfy me. Now; my intentions are laid bare. I leave the outcome in your hands, my Queen."

Outwardly Maleficent was sensual magnificence personified. Inwardly, her inner lust-addled adolescent was bouncing up and down and squealing joyfully. Quashing the urge to succumb to the same idiotic display, Maleficent dislocated her inner adolescent's jaw and pitched her down a mental staircase. She was over a thousand years old, for Danu's sake; she would handle this situation delicately and with poise and restraint.

"I would love to accompany you. Is tomorrow evening too sudden?"

There was irony in there somewhere, but Maleficent was too giddy to care. For his part, Jafar looked as though Maleficent had handed him all the secrets of the known Universe on silver platter.

"You…you would? Go out with me?" he asked, eyes wide. She considered tossing out a sarcastic little barb, but instead flushed a darker shade of green and offered a small smile.

"Yes."


	2. A Most Gratifying Evening

A Most Gratifying Evening

Almost exactly one month after a chance meeting in the Library changed her life as she knew it, Maleficent sat at her vanity and pinned her coiled hair at the nape of her neck. Her dress was a flattering black affair, off the shoulders and with a hemline that flirted about her knees.

The Fae was tired of dressing conservatively for her outings with Jafar. She had successfully established herself as a woman of class and elegance, making it abundantly clear that she wasn't one to sacrifice her dignity for a tumble in the fields. Jafar had shown her the proper respect, and tonight Maleficent was resolved to have a bit of fun at his expense.

She had what he wanted, after all, so why not flaunt it a little?

With this amusing prospect in mind, Maleficent slid the last hairpin and place and smiled in feline satisfaction. As if on cue, there came a knock at her bedchamber door and her housemaid shuffled in at her acknowledgement. Emily Mozzit admired her mistress greatly, but was too shy to tear her eyes away from the floor. Bobbing a curtsy, she announced,

"Your gentleman caller's here, Majesty. I put him in the parlor as you wished."

"Thank you, Emily. Tell him I'll be down in a moment."

The girl scurried to deliver the message, and the Unseelie Queen rose from the dressing table to retrieve her travelling cloak. She dallied slightly in the hallway, taking her time as she made her way to the staircase. Maleficent loved to make an entrance no matter the occasion, and tonight she aimed to steal Jafar's breath away.

Pausing a moment to steady herself, Maleficent took a deep breath and swept down the grand staircase, head held high and her heart all aflutter. She reached the bottom and found Jafar in her sitting room as promised, pacing around the trunk of the ancient oak that was growing determinedly through her floor and staring into its branches in fascination. A warm feeling swept through the Unseelie Queen, coaxing forth a sweet little smile that was better suited to a Heroine rather than the retired Mistress of All Evil.

After a moment spent watching Jafar's boyish investigation, Maleficent cleared her throat and called out to him.

"Good evening, Master Rahal."

He jumped in surprise, too preoccupied to have heard her approach. The technomage turned and offered her a charming grin.

"Ah, my Queen, it is a _pleasure _to- holy _Allah_."

Jafar's eyes went round as he beheld Maleficent, slowly traveling up and down her willowy form with incredulous delight. By the Prophet, the woman had legs that went up to Janna and shot straight past Avalon!

"Is there something wrong?" Maleficent inquired innocently, smug in the knowledge that she'd stunned him into silence. Jafar shook himself out of his stupor, sternly forcing himself to stop ogling Maleficent like a teenaged boy. She deserved much better than that.

"Not at all! I've just never seen you so…" he trailed off, his thought process derailed slightly as he watched her.

"Shall I go change into something more modest?" she prodded, pretending to head back to the stairs. She was gratified to see the look of panic in his eyes as he reached out to stop her.

"It would break my heart if you did." He confessed, and she laughed.

"A wise answer, my dear."

She donned her cloak and took the arm offered to her, fighting tooth and nail to resist snuggling into his side.

"Are you ready to venture forth, my Lady?" Jafar asked, hyperaware of everywhere her body touched his. She was, naturally, and allowed him to lead her out the front door of her cozy, decrepit manor house. A surprise awaited her in drive; a carriage without horses, smelling of iron and Jafar's own magic. Maleficent circled the contraption thrice, letting out tendrils of power to investigate. Satisfied that it wasn't immediately going to kill them, she turned to Jafar for explanation.

"One of my pet projects," he grinned, reaching out to pat the coach with a father's pride. "I only recently finished the final touches on the locomotion and transformation enchantments, but it ran smooth as cream on the way over. Shall we?"

He held the passenger door open with a gallant bow and after a moment of skeptical consideration the Unseelie Queen slipped inside, staring in fascination at the army of levers, dials and buttons arrayed on the dashboard. It was a dubious lovechild of mechanics and magic, and Maleficent was impressed despite herself.

"I see you were not exaggerating when you said you've been 'pushing boundaries'." She noted.

"Only the truth for you, my Queen. I fear my ruffian of a best friend will not follow the same principle."

He cranked a lever, and the machine shuddered to life around them; there was a groaning sound, and suddenly the coach was raised up off the ground. Apprehensive, Maleficent peered out the window and gasped.

"It has legs!"

"Indeed it does. I recommend holding onto something." Jafar grinned, and without warning they lurched forward, the mechanical horse galloping down the winding road on six steely limbs. Maleficent clutched at her seat in shock, the landscape whipping by at an unnatural speed, and felt a grin creep over her face.

"Can it go faster?"

-0-

Twenty minutes later they stepped into the bustling confines of Two Rooks Café, ignoring the sudden silence at their entrance and the icy stares of their fellow patrons. After convincing the staff that, _yes_, they did have a reservation and did not, in fact, carry concealed weapons they were led towards the back of the establishment where Jafar's friend awaited them.

Captain James P. Hook was possibly the most well-dressed pirate Maleficent had ever seen (and in truth she had known quite a few);a crisp shirt adorned with frothing lace at the cuffs and throat and a burgundy velvet coat created an image of almost foppish elegance. He was almost _pretty_, if she wanted to be truthful; fair skinned and dark haired, with astonishingly beautiful blue eyes. It was difficult to believe that this man had been the terror of the seas not so long ago.

Arm-in-arm she and Jafar approached the table, and Hook rose to greet them. He bowed to Maleficent and brushed his mouth over her fingers, revealing that he had replaced his legendary hook with a false hand for the evening.

"It is the deepest honor to make your acquaintance, Madam." Hook intoned, grinning rakishly at the Unseelie Queen.

"The pleasure is entirely mine, Captain." She returned. Jafar eyed Hook until her released her hand and turned his attention to the table, where a silver flask waited.

"Begun without us, have you? I am amazed you're still standing."

"Child's play, that- I am a _high functioning _alcoholic, Jafar, and you had best remember it."

"I've done my best to forget," the Arabian muttered, pulling out a chair for Maleficent as Hook poured himself another shot from his flask.

"Where's Julius?" Jafar asked, taking his seat beside an amused Maleficent. Hook carefully extracted his glass from his false hand and took a crystal from his pocket.

"I was about to call him, actually. Show me Julius Facilier." He said, and set the palm-sized orb down on the table. The crystal was lit from within by pleasant golden light and levitated an inch or so from the tabletop, humming slightly as if in thought.

"_Connecting to Doctor Facilier. Please wait."_

Seconds later the speaking stone was filled by the image of a furious, blood spattered Facilier. The _bokor _was crouched down behind what looked like a chimney, his revolver poised in one hand and his bullet-ridden hat clutched in the other.

"This ain't the time, James! Bit busy stalking a serial killer tonight, in case it slipped your mind." The mulatto man growled.

"Sorry to intrude, Jules, but Jafar has arrived with his fair companion, and we were all a mite curious as to where in the hell you've misplaced yourself this time. I admit that this is one of the more interesting places you've ended up." Hook observed. Facilier glared at him and turned his attention to Maleficent.

"_Reine_, you'll have to forgive me; I'm 'fraid if I don't catch this mother's son tonight, ain't a soul in the Lower Shams that'll be safe. Trust me when I say that I'd rather be meetin' you than chasin' this scum across decrepit rooftops all night long." Said he, managing a chivalrous bow even though he was filthy and hunched into an unnatural position. Graciously, Maleficent bowed her head in acknowledgement.

"There's nothing to forgive, good Doctor. I wish you well on your hunt."

"Next time, _grand Madame_; nothing would please me better." Facilier declared, flashing a charming grin at the Unseelie Queen. There came a crash in the distance, and the investigator froze for a moment, then raised his revolver. In the gloom, Facilier's eyes flashed like steel.

" 'Scuse me." He said with perfect calm, and in the next moment he dove out from behind the chimney stack, firing wildly into the night. Someone- or _something_- screamed. Hook snapped his fingers to terminate the call and tucked the crystal back into his pocket.

"Another night, then. Least he has a good excuse."

"Quite a courageous fellow, isn't he?" Maleficent observed, examining the wine list with interest.

"Or mad. He's done quite well for himself with his detective work, but he refuses to move out of the Shams." Jafar supplied, trying to pretend that he wasn't watching her every graceful movement.

"Says it's _livelier_, though how he can say that in a neighborhood with more corpses than living residents defies reason." Hook muttered.

"Am I to understand that two adventuresome gentlemen like yourselves willingly shrank away from such thrilling danger?" Maleficent drawled, effectively distracting Jafar by crossing one long leg over the other.

"My Queen, you moved straight into the Between district when you immigrated to the City; divine circumstances have prevented you from ever having to live in the hellish cesspools known as the Upper and Lower Shams." Jafar said.

"There isn't anything even vaguely thrilling about living in the Shams. One's usually too busy trying to avoid being eaten, beaten or ritually sacrificed to the Elder Gods by the other residents to enjoy the rush." Snorted the brigand. Maleficent smiled,

"It sounds like a holiday compared to the Troubles in my homeland."

"Troubles, madam? Is that a capital 'T' I'm hearing? Where the hell'd you grow up, then, to sound so jaded?"

"Ireland. Born on the coast of what your kind call Mayo, lived the majority of my life in Ulster until recently. I've borne witness to, and participated in, countless of Eire's conflicts."

Hook whistled, while Jafar merely nodded in sympathy; he'd once been to Ireland in his youth, and once had been three times too many for his liking. Pushing aside memories, the Unseelie Queen sighed.

"Those are stories for another time. I came here to be entertained, not depressed, and I trust you gentlemen will not disappoint me."

"Of course, my Queen. The service is legendarily horrible, so we'll have plenty of time. Ah, there's the damnable waitress…"

Jafar flagged down the mutinous young woman and the three of them placed their drink orders, though Maleficent was mystified as to why Hook even bothered; he was well off with the seemingly bottomless flask he'd brought along. She wasn't about to complain, however, for Hook was a marvelous story-teller. Gifted with a rich voice and a flair for theatrics, the rogue Captain regaled Maleficent with tale after tale of his and Jafar's antics during their first years in Fortuna.

To her delight, not all of them were flattering.

"The tavern's as tense as a bowstring by this point, naturally, but then _this_ fool here- ah, Jafar, how I have missed that smashing viper stare of yours- this_ idiot_ decides that he's damn proud of his atheism and _stands up_- and this is in a confined area packed with tanked _gods_, mind you- he stands and, bold as brass, proclaims that every deity in the place is a bastard and he disbelieves in the lot of them." Hook sneered, grinning maliciously at a scowling Jafar while Maleficent laughed at his expense.

"My word, Jafar! I am uncertain if I should be impressed by your obvious bravery or concerned with your defective sense of self-preservation. Perhaps you're not half so intelligent as I originally thought." she smirked, plainly enjoying her beau's discomfort.

"It was the first and _last_ time I was drunk in public," Jafar said tightly, with as much dignity as possible. "And I hasten to remind the good Captain that it was _he_ who propositioned a Valkyrie, not I._ I_was the one who talked her and her sisters out of skinning him for boot leather."

"Touché." Hook acknowledged, raising his false hand to his brow in mock salute. Greatly entertained, Maleficent leaned back in her seat and smiled at Jafar. It was a pleasant smile, totally lacking in her trademark malice. Somehow she felt it was important that he knew she was only teasing him, that she didn't think any less of him for his lapse in judgment.

Jafar seemed to understand what she was trying to say, for he returned the smile and his fingers brushed hers under the tabletop.

It could not last, of course. Fate is a cruel and very often drunken mistress, and abuses Her charges on a whim.

The trio was in the midst of a fierce debate over what sword performed best in the heat of battle when a long shadow fell over their table. The air grew thick with a sense of doom.

Irritated, Jafar looked up to tell the intruder to bugger off and felt the words die in his throat; a mountain of a man stood over them, electric blue eyes narrowed in hate. Power rolled off him in waves, causing the hair on every mortal body in the area to stand on end.

Swallowing hard, Jafar forced himself to play it casual and leaned back in his seat as though he hadn't a care in the world.

"Hello, Zeus." He drawled. Without so much as an introductory curse, Zeus lunged forward and hauled Jafar and Hook up by their throats, slowly crushing their windpipes as he pinned them with a fearsome glare.

"You. I remember you, mortal. You are the infidel who defies my kindred at every turn." He rumbled, voice causing the glasses on the table to tremble. Jafar cast a filthy look over at Hook, even as his lips began turning blue.

"Release him."

Maleficent stood slowly, regally, her head held high and her eyes flashing like fire. The three men stared.

"I will ask you politely only once more, Olympian; leave my man _be_." Maleficent spat, glaring up into Zeus' great craggy face. The father-god looked at her with mingled anger and admiration, plainly unused to being spoken to in such a fashion. Slowly, he lowered Jafar and Hook to the ground, his eyes never leaving the elegant Fae woman who looked at him without fear.

"Daughter of Danu, I have a deal for you. On my oath I swear that I will release your suitor and let him live his life in peace. I will even convince my brothers and sisters and children to do the same. In exchange, you will come to my bed."

"_You diseased son of whore!_" Jafar snarled, ready to lunge at the thunder god before Hook grabbed him and wrestled him away, hand clapped over his mouth. For her part, Maleficent went cold, her expression totally blank as she stared at Zeus. The god chuckled.

"Do not look so dour! I can guarantee that you will enjoy yourself- far more that you ever would with the mortal over there!" he grinned, nodding over to where Jafar was fighting free from the headlock Hook had put him in.

Still Maleficent did not speak. If one looked closely at her, a slight twitching of the muscles along her sharp jaw could be seen. Only those who knew her well and recognized that tiny tic for what it was would understand that now was the time to dive for cover.

Zeus did not know Maleficent, and he was too busy letting his eyes rove over her willowy body to notice the twitch. He reached out to caress her cheek.

Time slowed and all sound bled away. In that numb moment Maleficent reached up and snapped the bones in Zeus' wrist, ignoring his bellow of pain. Too stunned yet to strike back, the Olympian tried to tear himself from her grip. The Unseelie Queen hauled him down and caught him by the throat with her free hand, choking him into silence. With serene ease she seized him by the belt and hefted him above her head, flailing and gasping desperately for air.

Seconds later Zeus was flying towards the far wall, crashing through it in an explosion of brick and wood to land on the cobbled street like a meteor, the very foundations of the surrounding buildings shuddering at the titanic impact. The Lord of Olympus groaned, struggled to raise himself up, and fell still.

Back inside Jafar and Hook gaped at Maleficent, each silently questioning their sanity as they stared at her, then the hole in the wall, and then back at her. Hook's eyes were trying to convince his brain that Jafar's skinny ladyfriend had just thrown a god through a wall. Jafar's mind was trying to work out how in the hell he'd convinced such a woman to go out with him.

Maleficent was aloof. Calmly did the dark lady dust her hands and smooth her mussed hair. She approached the men and took Jafar's hand in hers.

"Come. The authorities will be arriving shortly and I, for one, would prefer to be someplace far from here."

Meekly the gents followed after her, the three of them stepping through the newly made exit and vanishing into the night. They managed to cover five blocks before the telltale wail of the Brute Squad's sirens rent the night air, jarring the men from their stunned silence.

"What the hell was that?" Hook demanded.

"Self defense in the face of intimidation and sexual harassment. You two can be my witnesses if we're tracked down."

"I meant the- the _throwing_ and the breaking of a _god's wrist_. _Jesus Christ_, woman, those bastards are invincible!"

Jafar recovered himself sufficiently to answer for Maleficent,

"He's forced to go among us in an avatar body for the sake of mortal citizens; his powers and invincibility are severely limited while on this plane."

"It evens the odds nicely, I must say." Maleficent smiled, pretending not to notice when Jafar's arm wound around her shoulders. Hook shook his head, still unconvinced.

"Even if he's downgraded, that doesn't explain how _she_, a mere twig of a woman, could _heft_ Zeus above her head and chuck him through a wall."

"You clearly haven't spent much time researching my people." Maleficent laughed.

Using a matronly tone and one-to-two syllable words the Unseelie Queen carefully enlightened Hook on the abilities of the Tuatha de Danann; explaining the heightened senses, the greater sensitivity to the powers of the earth and muscles six to ten times the strength of concrete. This conversation carried the trio all the way to the safety of Asgard Park, where they settled themselves among the towering oaks to rest.

"Good God," Hook muttered, shaking his head. "How is it your lot hasn't taken over the wretched planet yet?"

Maleficent smirked, saying nothing.

Jafar braced his back against the tree they had gathered under, silently pleased with the night's events. True, he hadn't expected to get jumped by that pompous Olympian ass and none of them had eaten due to the slow service and the godly interruption, but his best friend was getting on well with the woman he strongly suspected was the love of his life.

All in all, it was shaping up to be a marvelous evening.

"_Oh Captain Hooook!_"

A boyish voice sounded from on high, cocky and grating on the nerves of the trio waiting below. James Hook froze mid-sentence, every muscle in his body simultaneously clenching as the ages old hate flared back to life.

_Dammit._

"Pan! Come and face me, you cringing brat!" Hook roared, lunging to his feet and drawing his pistol.

"James, for Allah's sake remember your probation!"

"_Let us end this now!"_ the brigand bellowed, and his eyes gleamed like coals in the night. There was a flash of green from above, and Pan cart-wheeled through the air before the gathered adults, making obscene gestures at the livid Captain and laughing when Hook fired wildly.

"_James!_"

Jafar dove at his friend and slammed his shoulder into his back, sending them both sprawling. The Arabian grappled the gun out of Hook's hand, praying to whatever Being would listen that the damned thing wouldn't misfire. Maleficent watched in puzzlement, wondering how an obnoxious changling boy could make the Captain lose his dignified demeanor so spectacularly. She supposed that the lad was a Hero, Hook's nemesis and conqueror from a Story long since told, but that really was poor excuse for such vulgarity, especially now that he'd dragged Jafar into the mess.

A flash of silver caught her eye, and Maleficent turned her head in time to see the boy Pan with a dagger in hand, a wicked gleam in his eyes as he set his sight on Hook's chest, on Jafar's back. He readied his arm, prepared to strike…

Maleficent's hand was moving before she had a chance to pause and think, and in a trice her staff materialized out of Nowhere. She gripped the rowan staff and it warmed to her in anticipation, and the Unseelie Queen smiled.

A lash of green flame seared the night air, twin to the red flare fired in the same moment. Pan shrieked as the fire enveloped him, setting his clothes alight, and his dagger shimmered from his hands into the treetops. Cursing, blazing like an otherworldly firework, the boy tumbled towards the park's lake and plunged into its placid waters.

There was moment of pure silence.

Maleficent smiled in satisfaction, her magic roiling under her skin in excitement; long had it been since she'd last cast so baneful a spell. She glanced over at the gentlemen and found a disheveled Jafar kneeling on Hook's back, pistol in one hand and a gleaming cobra staff clutched in the other.

They looked at one another, brown eyes meeting gold, and Maleficent fell in love with Jafar in that precise moment. There was no choir singing, no passel of cherubs tossing rose petals; she merely looked at the man and realized that, no, she really didn't think she could do without him at her side.

Not that she would admit this out loud, of course. Not just yet.

"Well, that was certainly entertaining." she said lightly, rising and dusting her skirt. Chuckling breathlessly, Jafar shifted from Hook's back and hauled the pirate to his feet. He looked to her, gestured to her staff,

"A lovely specimen, my Queen."

"The same could be said of yours, Master Rahal. I must applaud your drawing speed."

"Nothing compared to yours, Majesty; your skill was artful and swift enough to baffle the mortal eye."

"Snake, you weren't even looking." She teased, reaching up to pluck grass from his beard. Hook glared at them both, his eyes slowly fading back to their usual forget-me-not hue.

"I could've got 'im. I could've finished it tonight, if you hadn't interfered." He sulked, darting poisonous glances toward the lake, where the changling boy was painfully hauling himself onto the shore.

"Yes, and then you would've gone straight to prison- if the brat didn't stab you in the back first. Let us get out of here before he decides to retaliate." Jafar said gruffly, seizing his friend by the collar and hauling him away.

"Oi! What the hell do you think you're doing? I can still crush the little bastard! I can still-."

Hook trailed off when Jafar raised his staff to his eyes, a dreamy look crossing his face. Patiently, Jafar asked,

"Aren't you tired, James? Long night out, plenty of drink in you…home calls, does it not?"

"…yes. S'pose it does." Hook murmured vaguely.

"I thought as much. My Queen?"

Maleficent accepted his offered arm with an amused smile, casting one last spell of forgetfulness over her shoulder. It wouldn't do, if the boy were to recall who had put him in his place. The three of them left Asgard Park and, miraculously, managed to find Jafar's mechanical horse without too much trouble. After wrestling the limp pirate into the cramped back seat, Jafar and Maleficent were soon on their way. It seemed too cruel to the citizens of Fortuna, to leave the pirate on the streets with nothing but his own thoughts for entertainment, and thus they drove him home.

They sat contentedly together in the front, knees brushing and sending little electric jolts through their bodies. It was peaceful here, with Hook brooding silently in the back, and when traffic was held up by the Great Perpetual Psychologist Fisticuff Jafar reached over and laced his fingers with Maleficent's.

It was as close to a perfect evening as he'd ever had in his long, strange life. He was not even disappointed when Maleficent merely squeezed his hand on her doorstep, hesitating at kissing him just yet.

The way she had looked back at him as she entered her home was reward enough; that little glance and the slight shy smile she'd worn were more precious than any kiss.

**333 Vlad Street, Between District of Fortuna, 2:14 AM.**

Nasira Rahal slept soundly in her silent bedchamber, her dreams deep and senseless. It was the first night she had not spent slumped over some moldering legal text in a week, her eyes burning and her body aching from exhaustion. Between idiot clients and her inbred Neanderthal of a partner at the firm, Nasira's life had been taxing. In her estimation, she had earned a few hours of uninterrupted rest. By Allah, she was _owed_ them.

Unfortunately for her, her brother had other ideas.

"Sister!"

This muffled cry from the entry hall roused Nasira from her slumber, giving her a half-second to pick her head up and stare blearily at her door before Jafar kicked it in.

"Get up! Drag yourself from your bed for the night is _marvelous_!" he shouted, making Nasira spasm wildly under her duvet and flail onto the floor.

"Eben el sharmoota!"

She sprung up a half-second later with a dagger in one hand and her staff in the other, her eyes feral. Her arm arched up, ready to send the blade flying into Jafar's chest, and at this point her sleep-muddled mind finally caught up with her.

"Jafar? What in Allah's name are you /doing/ here? It's two in the morning!" she snarled, throwing down her knife and clutching her staff until her knuckles shone white. Jafar, despite the fact that he had come within throwing distance of death, merely grinned joyfully at his twin.

"I am getting married, Nasira!"

The look on her face was worth more than all the gold and jewels in Agrabah. Had he not been filled to the brim by the intoxicating knowledge that he was completely and utterly in love, Jafar would have felt guilty for subjecting his sister to this so late at night.

"Engaged? To whom?" she yelped, clinging to her staff for support. Laughing, Jafar crossed the room in two strides and swept the stunned Nasira into an impromptu waltz, effectively terrifying her so much that three years were shaved off her lifespan.

"To the most wondrous woman in all the worlds! My ebon-haired enchantress, my siren of the shadows!" he crowed, twirling Nasira about and yanking her into a crushing hug. She dangled and inch or two above the floor, distantly wondering if some demon had murdered her twin and was using his body as a meat puppet. Then it hit her.

"That Maleficent woman? Is she the one that's put you in this…stupor?" she demanded, her bewilderment giving way to anger. Jafar grinned and set her back on her feet.

"The very same."

"Humph. I wouldn't expect one such as her to give in so quickly. Isn't this your fifth or sixth date at this point?" she inquired irritably, smoothing her tangled hair over her shoulders.

"Seventh. And I've yet to actually /ask/ her to marry me." Jafar interjected, his euphoria dampened not a jot by this dose of reality. Nasira frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. It was a dangerous time indeed when she had to serve as the voice of reason.

"Then how do you know that she will wed you, brother? If you know so little of each other, and you've not made your marital intentions known, what makes you think she'll agree?"

Jafar merely shook his head.

"She will. I was born to be with her, Nasira. I know it as I've known nothing else before." He murmured, his voice reverent and his eyes strangely soft. Nasira could feel her begin to dissipate; it was impossible to stay angry when he went on like _that_.

-0-

**O'Cuinn Residence, Asgard Park, the next morning.**

"Oh, Maleficent! Come in, you're a day early!" Fauna said cheerfully, letting the Unseelie Queen into her home and taking her cloak. Maleficent leaned over to hug her little friend, ignoring the suspicious growls of Baggins, Fauna's dog of dubious lineage.

Chatting amicably the two Fae women retired to Fauna's living room. The sheer volume of lace doilies and pictures of dewy-eyed kittens made Maleficent feel slightly unclean, but she settled in a cushy, frilly chair with little complaint. Fauna poured them both some tea, chorusing 'Hallelujah, Rosie-Lee' in unison before taking a sip. Maleficent sighed in satisfaction, a faint smile playing at her crimson lips.

"Maleficent, dear, I don't think I've ever seen you so contented before."

Fauna stated, glancing at her friend. She would have to be a fool not to notice Maleficent's relaxed posture and soft, ever-present smile; she looked positively dreamy! The Unseelie Queen smirked into her teacup, not even bothering to dismiss the little Seelie's observation.

"It has been a pleasant moon for me," she conceded, savoring the fact that Fauna was plainly dying of curiosity. The other Fae shifted nervously in her seat, one small hand dropping onto the head of her drooling mutt.

"You're bordering on _cheerful_, Maleficent- and not the sadistic kind of cheer, either! You laugh, you've smiled more often in the last month than you have in the last century. One has to wonder what's brought it on."

"A weaker, more transparent bid for answers I've not yet seen."

"It's that Jafar fellow isn't it?" Fauna prodded, abandoning all shreds of stealth. Maleficent sipped primly at her tea.

"He is fine company."

Fauna tsked at her and pulled her wand from her sleeve, summoning a heavy tome from her overstuffed bookshelf across the room. A battered copy of _The Comprehensive Handbook of Mundane and Magical Maladies _flew to her tiny hands, and the Seelie woman cracked it open to the Narrative Woes section.

"Let me see here…constant good will, a glowing disposition and complexion, general feelings of goodwill towards all…"

"Dear Fauna, what point are you trying to make?"

"Chronic smiling, a tendency to sing- dear, what was that catchy little tune I caught you humming last time you were here?"

"Shut up."

"And, oh my, a lovelorn, longing gaze constantly clouding the eyes. You have the full check-list, Maleficent." Fauna said, as slyly as was possible for her.

"For what, dare I ask?"

"You have all the symptoms of True Love, dear."

* * *

><p><em>I FINISHED IT. EAT IT, SOPHOMORE YEAR OF UNI,<em> **EAT IT**. I AM UNVANQUISHED, AND AM ALSO ABUSING CAPSLOCK.

I apologize for the excessive delay; rest assured that the next chapter will come faster- it's halfway finished, shorter, but I adore it. :D

I also apologize if this chapter seems rushed; I was frustrated and desperate, lol.

Finally, I wish to remind everyone that I only own what is not immediately recognized. Walt can banish his Fiendish Lawyers now.

I love you all for your support thus far! MWAH.


End file.
